Beyond the Women’s March: A PSA for fellow white people

Between 2014 and 2016, I attended several protests and rallies in Boston responding to the deaths of Michael Brown, Eric Garner, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, and the non-indictments of the officers who had killed them.  Although I didn’t keep a diligent count of the demographics, it did not escape my attention that visibly fewer than half of attendees were white, more than half of white attendees were women, and more than half of white people at these events presented as queer in an obvious way.

So it seems that, despite their abundance, cisgender, heterosexual, white people – especially men – are a rarity at Black Lives Matter events in Boston.

But the few cis-het white men who did show up? Wow, did they enjoy leading chants.

In the proximity of a cis-het white man, we rarely if ever experienced more than a few seconds of relative quiet without him bellowing a chant and expecting the crowd to follow along.  Cis-het white women were similar.  Often, chants initiated by white people would interrupt and ultimately drown out a chant led by people of color.

This is a problem.

It’s a problem that we white people didn’t show up when the Black Lives Matter movement needed us, and it’s a problem that those of us who did felt that our voices needed to be heard more than others.

Why?  First: Black Lives Matter exists because white people have systemically ignored black voices for a very long time. We do nothing to help the cause if we show up only to speak over them yet again.

Second: chants led by people of color were different from chants led by white people.  White people raged against racist police; people of color decried white supremacy and a corrupt system. That difference matters.

Then there were the white people who happily joined or started chants that we have no business shouting, such as “I can’t breathe” (yes we can – we aren’t the ones that systemic racism is oppressing) or “Whose streets? Our streets!” (Yes, they are our streets. That’s the problem!).

All this to say, the few cis-het white people who do show up for Black Lives Matter consistently fail to listen to the voices we are trying to support. 

Which brings me to the the Women’s March.

Anyone who hasn’t avoided the news for the past several weeks has likely heard about the overwhelmingly-well-attended Women’s Marches around the world on January 21st.  News sources disagree on how many people attended, but minimal estimates count millions of people at marches in all 50 US states, at least 60 countries and all seven continents. Everyone except Sean Spicer seems to agree that the D.C. Women’s March alone was better-attended than Trump’s inauguration.

This fact on its own is fantastic. My girlfriend and I attended the Boston march with some friends and the experience was powerful and moving.

Unfortunately, after the march I heard and read too many stories about black women, indigenous women, Muslim women, disabled women, and trans* people being ignored or outright disrespected by well-meaning white marchers. So there’s a few issues that we white people need to address before we become too complacent about our role in improving the world.


Congratulating ourselves on organizing a protest that resulted in zero arrests. 

Again, this is an objectively good thing.  Peaceful protests are meant to be exactly that, and the fact that organizers managed to keep all events free of rioting or aggression is a feat to be commended.

That said, we as white people can’t take all the credit for this.  In the days following the march, I witnessed a trend of self-congratulatory posts gradually evolving into white people wondering why, if we managed it, the BLM and No DAPL protestors couldn’t avoid violence.  Why couldn’t they just do what we did?

This is where white people need to stop and check our privilege.

At every BLM protest in Boston, I saw long lines of mostly-white-cis-het-men police officers standing shoulder-to-shoulder, staring straight ahead with blank expressions, occasionally resting their hands on their guns.  Full riot gear was rare in Boston, but I did see it from time to time. As instructed by march organizers, we ignored the police and kept to our route, but the tension was palpable.

At the Women’s March, the atmosphere was completely different. Police officers still lined the route, but they were visibly more relaxed than any of the officers I saw at BLM events.  Many of the officers at the Women’s March were smiling. Some made eye-contact with people in the crowd and nodded. One or two even cheered.  I didn’t personally witness this, but there are videos of police high-fiving marchers in other cities.  I saw no riot gear in Boston. No officer’s hand was anywhere near a gun.

It is unfair for white people to claim credit for the difference in police response to the Women’s March.  Many of the marches changed their routes at the last minute (which they are not supposed to do), and at Boston alone I saw tons of people ignoring requests that the police had made before the march: holding signs with wooden pickets, wearing backpacks, and carrying bags that were not at all transparent.  Meanwhile, BLM marches in Boston showed zero threat of violence on the part of the marchers, no weapons, and no engagement with the police.  Like the Women’s March, BLM events had volunteers specifically present to make sure that attendees followed all of the rules.

In short: the palpable difference in how the police treated us had nothing to do with attendees’ behavior.

Police felt more comfortable with the Women’s Marches because they consisted primarily of cisgender-heterosexual-white women. People of color and LGBTQ+ people were present, yes, but cis-het white women were the clear majority, and this prevalence put the police at ease.  White women are not a threat.  White women are “on their side.” Events consisting primarily of people of color marching for their lives feel more threatening to the police, and as a result they are treated differently.

So think twice before you say something smug, comparing the Women’s March to the BLM or NoDAPL movements. Acknowledge your privilege and the role that it played. Sit with that. Process it. Feel uncomfortable with it.

Then use your privilege for good.

How do we do that? The obvious answer is to attend more events supporting people of color. I have frequently seen or heard people of color asking: “Where were all of you when we marched for Freddie Gray, Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Michael Brown…(etc)?”

In general, we weren’t there, but we can change that. We can attend protests and rallies supporting people of color, Muslims, refugees, and indigenous people. We can show up for marginalized people and pester our friends into joining us, and it will do these marches good. The increased presence of white people – especially cisgender-heterosexual-women, will likely help the police to feel less threatened. It’s sad, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s true.

Walk on the edge of the crowd, where you will be most visible.  See a woman of color holding a particularly contentious sign? Walk near her. Watch her back.

I did not come up with these suggestions, by the way; women of color have been saying all this since before the Women’s Marches took place.

Can’t show up physically? Research other ways to support people of color and their causes, whether by donating money, spreading the word, or doing something else that these movements are asking for. The Women’s March is a perfect example of how white feminists need to improve at listening to and supporting  people who are marginalized in other ways.

Which brings me to my next issue:

Ignoring the needs and struggles of trans* people.

(I’m using “trans*” as an umbrella term for trans men, trans women, and everyone who identifies as gender non-binary.  I did not invent this term.)

Although Boston’s pre-march program made a fantastic effort to include women of color and disabled women, at most a few cursory mentions were made to trans* people.

Worse, many marchers’ signs mentioned “uterus,” “ovaries,” and other reproductive anatomy that cisgender women often mistakenly assign to all – and exclusively – women.  After the march, I heard and read responses from trans* people saying that these signs and slogans made them feel invisible, excluded, even dysmorphic.

Simply saying “trans women are women” helps no one if we’re going to exclude trans* people from our actions. Already we’re ignoring trans men and non-binary people when we claim abortion as a “woman’s right,” but using “uterus” or “ovaries” as a stand-in for “women” excludes trans women from the conversation.  Trans* people are already fighting for recognition, inclusion, and safety in a country that is openly hostile to them, and for many people losing Planned Parenthood means losing access to vitally important hormone therapy.  It’s unfair and counterproductive for cisgender women feminists to exclude trans* people from our cause, but unfortunately it seems to happen unintentionally.

So how do we counter it? Again, I have a solution presented to me by a person who was directly affected; I cannot overstate how important it is for white feminists to listen to marginalized groups.

Instead of focusing on reproductive rights specifically, lets fight for body autonomy for all.  Let’s acknowledge the services that Planned Parenthood provides to trans* people. “My body, my choice/their body their choice” does not need to specify cisgender women. It can include trans men and non-binary people who need abortions and birth control. It can include trans women who need access to hormones. We can protest Trump’s open and unapologetic history of sexual assault without implying that only cisgender women are ever assaulted.

Beyond that, lets show up for trans* people when they need us.  There’s plenty to do, especially now.  If you live in a state where trans* students could be affected by Trump’s withdrawal of trans rights from Title IX, find out what you can do to fight back.  If you live in a progressive state with its own anti-discrimination policies, research ways to support trans* people who need help.  This article is a great place to start.

Speaking of extra work, issue #3:

Potentially quitting activism after the March “high” wears off.

I’m thrilled to see people still involved in activism more than a month after the march, but this is a problem that we as white people need to keep in mind over the next four years. Non-marginalized groups tend to lose interest in civil rights movements more quickly than marginalized groups do. White people get fired up on issues, sure, but we tend to spring into action one day and then return to our regular lives the next.

As a gay, cisgender, white, able-bodied, middle-class woman with chronic health problems in Massachusetts, I am protected by state law in the ways that my disadvantages might affect me.  My privileges take care of the rest.  I, like many people, have the ability to stop paying attention to issues that deeply affect minorities across the country.

But we can’t let that happen this time.  There’s too much at stake.

How do we counter this?

  1. Stay informed. Follow reputable news sites and fact-check everything you hear or read.  Listen.
  2. Pace yourself.  I’ve heard from multiple people in multiple contexts: this is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t push yourself to every event, just more than you would have attended before. Take breaks, engage in self-care, then come back.
  3. Don’t get discouraged when you do things wrong.  Most of the issues I’ve addressed above are things I myself have done. I didn’t protest police brutality until Michael Brown’s death in 2014, and even then I happily chanted “OUR STREETS” until the problem was pointed out to me. Acknowledge your mistakes and do better the next time.  Let your attempt to self-correct be the momentum that keeps you involved.

Speaking of self-correcting mistakes:

Speaking over marginalized groups.

I mentioned that this happened at the BLM events, and it happened at the Women’s March too.  As the last few speakers – all of them women of color – addressed the crowd, a chant gradually took over the audience.  People – most of them white – started shouting “March, march, march!” Our impatience to walk led us to literally shout over women of color who were trying to inspire us.

I will acknowledge that the size of the crowd meant people at the back couldn’t hear all of the speakers, but that does not excuse the people around me who started chanting. It does not excuse our tendency to value our white voices over other voices.

So let’s stop and listen. There are so many ways to do this, especially in the age of the internet.  Marginalized voices are speaking on Twitter, Facebook, on blogs of all sizes, at rallies, panels and public addresses. It’s time for us to listen.

It’s time to make sure our feminism is intersectional, meaning it includes people who are non-white, Muslim, poor, disabled, fat, and/or LGBTQ+.

It’s time for us to learn and acknowledge the ways that different marginalized identities interact and how their problems may differ by state, city, even neighborhood.

It’s time for us to listen to and amplify marginalized voices without speaking over them.

It’s time for me to shut up so you can start acting.  Listen. Acknowledge. Keep fighting. Keep showing up.

I’ll see you there.

More ways to fight our impending dystopia

Two months later and Trump is still our president-elect. As predicted, multiple issues have arisen since he won. Examples include conflicts of interest, cabinet nominations (some of whom are being confirmed too quickly to investigate potential conflicts of interest),  potential gutting of the Affordable Care Act (about which many people are still willfully ignorant), this gem of a bill, and the upcoming fight over Planned Parenthood.

Oh and I almost forgot the part where Russia may have had a hand in Trump winning the election in the first place.

Two months out and there’s still so much to do. So here’s a few more actions we can (and should) be taking:

Know where your legislators stand and tell them where YOU stand

Don’t know your Senators? They’re easy to find; just google your state plus “senators” and they’ll come up right away. You can find your U.S. Representative here.   Finding your state senators and representatives will vary, but Massachusetts constituents can find theirs here.

Once you find them, read about them.  Follow them on social media. See where they stand. Learn what they’ve done.

Then – this is key – contact them.

In general, calling is better than email and email is better than social media. The best option for the U.S. legislators is to call them at their state office instead of their DC one. If you’d rather write a letter, mail it to their state office, not DC.

Open with your name and hometown (street name if you feel comfortable) so they know you’re their constituent. Then tell them what you feel and what you want them to do.

Obviously, you’re not going to have heartfelt conversations with your Senators and Representatives. You’ll reach a voice mail, talk to an intern, or receive a form letter. This does not mean your attempt doesn’t matter.  Make your voice heard anyway.  If your legislator agrees with you, urge them to take action.  If they’ve already taken action, thank them and tell them you support them. That matters too, especially with the amount of hate some of these legislators are getting.

Make – and keep – yourself aware of issues of oppression in America

To a large extent, hatred and bigotry in this country is fueled by ignorance, much of it willful. For example, this WaPo article (despite the clickbaity title) illustrates key misconceptions that anti-immigration activists have about American immigrant communities.

“Invisible Man Got the Whole World Watching” by Mychal Denzel Smith is a great resource for understanding racism in America and the ways it intersects with issues of gender, sexuality, mental illness, and other American problems.  It’s powerful and beautifully written.  Prefer audiobooks? There’s a version narrated by Kevin R. Free, and it is phenomenal. Other fantastic resources include “Bad Feminist” by Roxanne Gay and “Between the World and Me” by Ta Nehisi Coates.

(Full disclosure: I haven’t read the Coates book, but I’ve heard wonderful things about it from people whose opinions I value.  I have read the Smith and Gay books, and I highly recommend them both.)

Educate yourself on what Black Lives Matter really is, directly from the women who founded the movement.

Educate yourself on what Planned Parenthood really does and what ‘defunding’ women’s health care really entails. Yes that second article is from Teen Vogue, but the entire thing is worth reading.  Stay informed.

Get involved at the local level

Depending on where you live, Facebook can actually be a good resource for this. There are “Action” groups at the state and regional levels where people post articles, charities, and events. Use your local news outlets to find out what’s happening in your town. Connect to people who are involved in local politics and activism. Donate, show up, spread the word, and support these causes in any way you can.

Don’t get discouraged if/when dystopia still happens

Make no mistake: we’re in this for the long haul.  Things are about to get terrible, and our actions are not going to change that overnight. To be honest, they probably won’t change that at all.

Our system of bigotry and oppression, in fact, has been in place for much longer than the two months since we elected Trump. It’s just that for many of us, these issues have gone relatively unnoticed and/or unaddressed.  Racism, misogyny, systemic oppression and the other “American problems” (see: Smith) are not going to vanish simply because more people are starting to face them. The best that we can do is help chip away at them until, hopefully, the situation improves for people in future generations.

Do you have other ideas and/or resources? Post them!

How to make our dystopian future somewhat less dystopian

So.  It happened. Donald Trump is the United States president elect. I’m not going to speculate on how or why he won, what his presidency will mean for women and minorities in the US, or the ramifications for the rest of the world. It’s likely that you already know.  If you don’t, I’m too tired and sad and terrified to educate or debate with you right now. This post was hard enough to write as it is.

For the rest of us, I’ve compiled a list of things that we can do to combat this nightmare, or barring that, shape it.  Because although this isn’t actually a collective hallucination – as I’ve been slowly coming to realize – we aren’t out of options just yet.


Attend a protest

Voice your anger, your concern, and your refusal to quietly let bigotry and hatred shape our next four years.  Find solidarity with thousands of people who feel the same and are just as determined to make their voices heard. From a practical standpoint, attending these events is often a good way to get connected with local and national activism groups and events, so you can keep fighting after everyone goes home.

Here is a list of 33 anti-Trump protests and rallies taking place around – and outside – the United States this weekend. There’s also a protest taking place in Washington DC on Inauguration Day and a march for women’s rights the day after. There are undoubtedly more, so look around if you can’t make it to any of these.  Facebook, for all its flaws, is generally a good way to find out about smaller, local events.


Call out racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, anti-Semitic, Islamophobic, ableist, and body-shaming language when you hear it.

We are not going to overcome intolerance in our culture if we continue to allow people to get away with bigoted comments, however minor or unintentional.  So call out bigotry when it happens. This amazing thread outlines how to do this better than I ever could:

And it’s not just about race. Don’t let anyone get away with saying things like “That’s so gay” or “That’s so retarded.” When your friend catcalls a stranger in public, tell them to knock it off. Challenge a coworker who refers to a foreign accent as “broken English.”  If someone uses the wrong pronouns to refer to a transgender or gender non-comforming person, correct them.  Keep pushing if they try to brush it off.  Call yourself out when you need to, and listen to people who call you out for inadvertently offensive language. Apologize, then correct yourself.  Yes, it’s awkward, but it’s important, especially now.

At the same time, be careful that your voice isn’t overshadowing the voices of women and minorities.  If you witness a microaggression and the victim speaks up against it, show your support quietly.  Stand next to them, nod, agree, speak if they ask you to, but do not let your voice overpower theirs. These moments are not about you. They are about people who have been fighting for dignity and respect for decades, even centuries. Show your solidarity without speaking for them.


Intervene when you witness harassment in public

After Brexit, hate crimes in the United Kingdom increased noticeably.  After Trump won the election, people predicted the same for the US, and it turns out they were right. Check out Shaun King’s Twitter account for anecdotal evidence of hate crimes taking place all over the country – against a variety of marginalized groups – in the past two days alone. Read as many as you can, allow yourself to feel uncomfortable and disgusted, take time to recover, watch for hate crimes and harassment in your world, and (this is key) step in.

This comic provides a really nice guide to de-escalating public harassment.  Although it specifically refers to Islamophobia, the idea generalizes to situations of public harassment against just about anyone.  This Facebook video, created in response to the rise in racist incidents after Brexit, provides some more tips for responding to public harassment. Familiarize yourself with these techniques, then use them. Don’t assume someone else will step in.

Afraid for your safety?  So is the victim.  These are dark times, and we won’t make it out of them if we fail to show solidarity when people need it the most.


Donate to charitable organizations that are likely to struggle under Trump’s presidency

Here is a list of “Pro-Women, Pro-Immigrant, Pro-Earth, Anti-bigotry organizations,” with links for making online donations. These organizations, including the American Civil Liberties Union, Council on American-Islamic Relations, Planned Parenthood, and the Southern Poverty Law center, work hard for equality and are likely to struggle more than ever over the next four years.  It also wouldn’t hurt to check out your local rape crisis centers, domestic violence shelters, Boys and Girls Clubs, food banks, and LGBTQ organizations.  Can’t donate? Volunteer. Tell your friends and family.  Share links on social media and encourage your followers to do the same.


Sign a petition (or petitions) urging the Electoral College to elect Clinton instead of Trump

I’ll be honest, this one is highly unlikely to accomplish anything, but it’ll take less than five minutes of your time, which feels like an appropriate trade-off for the slim chance that we can avoid a Donald Trump presidency.

This one from argues that Clinton won the popular vote and Trump is unfit to serve as our president.

This one from calls the Electoral College into question in addition to urging Electors to cast their votes for Clinton.

Which brings me to the next item:


Write to your legislators and ask them to switch to a National Popular Vote

Democrats have won the popular vote in six of the past seven presidential elections. This election, in which Clinton won by more than 395,000 votes, is no exception.  In fact, this is the second time in 16 years, and the fifth time in US History, that  the person who won the popular vote did not become president.  This site is working to change that. They have great explanations for how/why we should switch to a National Popular Vote, as well as a very easy link to help US residents email their legislators.


Last, but definitely not least…

VOTE in your local and midterm elections

If you do nothing else, do this. Trump will have the support of a Republican majority in the House and the Senate, but in 2018 we’ll have the chance to change that. Massachusetts residents, let’s not allow Elizabeth Warren to lose her seat to Kurt Schilling two years from now. Show up at all of the elections, stay informed, and vote in people who will strengthen our country, not destroy it.


Not enough?  This article has more great ideas.  So do Rachel Maddow and Elizabeth Warren.   The second half of their conversation outlines exactly how we fight and/or shape Trump’s presidency at the political level.

Stay strong. I love you. Never stop fighting.